Monthly Archives: February 2011

steady, now

Maybe its the fact that I’m sad from just leaving my mom. Maybe its the fact that I have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off. Maybe its the fact that I feel like I can’t depend on anyone to be reliable (with a few exceptions, of course).  Maybe its the grey weather outside.

Or maybe it’s just PMS.  HA!

Either way, I just have this unsettling feeling. Like I just need stability in my life.

We placed an offer on a house last night so that’s up in the air. Some of my friends have hurt me, which feels terrible. And I am waiting on some answers that are eating away at me….

All of that said, I just feel very unsettled.

And I was reading this morning, “when we take our eyes off of the Lord, we become worried and upset. Anger builds, frustration boils, and we begin to question God’s goodness toward us- or is He really loves us at all. Through most of the Psalms, you hear David moving from a focus on his present, painful circumstances toward a focus on the person, promises, and provision of God. When David had nothing, he still had everything…because he lived on the promises of God.”- Ron Mehl

Thank God that no matter what I’m feeling or experiencing, HE is my rock and my stable fortress. HE keeps my life steady and guards my heart. 🙂


in between

In between. I feel like this perfectly describes my life and every aspect of it. In between “newlyweds” and “young family with kids”, in between “college” and “career”, in between “dorm life” and “house owner”…. you get the point.

I am at this place in my life where I honestly have no idea what is in store for the next year, months, and even days. I feel like change needs to come in order for my life to have meaning or productivity.

I am really struggling with understanding the reasons for which God has me in this season. I know His plan is perfect and He can use any situation to work for the greater good. But I am at a loss to really see how I can be fully used by Him…it is a very frustrating thing.

When I look around me, I feel like I am the only person in the situation that I am in. I feel like anyone who I try to talk to is always just pushing me to the next step “get a job”, “get a house”, ” get a plan”, “have babies”… flash, folks: There’s only so much of that I can control! lol.

I have no “real” job. I’ve been applying for jobs for two years straight. So I’m taking that as a sign from God…what sign? I’m not sure. But I’m really looking forward to the day when I know lol. I’m going crazy with the job I currently have. And there’s no way out. I’m just in between.

I’m in a college ministry and in a homegroup that is focused towards young families, so there is really not anyone who is going through the same things that I am. In between.

Justin and I have to renew our lease in two weeks and can’t seem to find a house that we both feel lead to. So we don’t know what to do. In between…yet again.

I know this sounds like a lot of self pity or wallowing in my sorrows…but its just a vent. I’m just being real here.

I think I should start a women’s group called “the in betweeners” and then maybe I’ll feel like someone understands what I’m going through.

……Or is nobody feeling this way accept me?…